The Spring semester began, so for the past two days I've found myself giving pretty much the same lecture five times in a row- going through the syllabus, reading students the riot act and trying to sound like a hardass so they don't try to cross me. That last bit never works. I get all "You better not mess with me" and then the next class when we get down to business I'm Mr. Nice Guy again and there's always a few who think that means I'm a pushover. They usually find themselves wondering how it all went so wrong when they fail the class because I won't listen to their bullshit excuses, but those are the eggs you break in making an omlet I suppose.
One class actually cajoled me into giving an extemporaneous demonstration of Mongolian Throat Yodelling (usually it's Chimpanzee pant-hooting they want me to demonstrate) and that went over really big. Then I was discussing how students might think I can't tell if they are texting if they keep their hands beneath the table (I CAN, and it looks rather obscene from my perspective). I was telling a story about a kid that was texting in the front row, and how I could see the glow of his screen radiating from his crotch under the table (either a dead giveaway for texting or one of the strangest occurences of St. Elmo's fire known to science). As I got to the part where I was saying "AND I COULD SEE THIS LIGHT RADIATING FROM HIS CROTCH..." the door opened and a young woman was standing at the door with a somewhat older woman who may have been her mother. She looking mightily confused, and I explained that there was a good deal of context that she had missed, but she silinetly glided into a seat. Turns out her puzzled look stemmed mostly from the fact that she had no idea where she was supposed to be and she had wandered into the wrong room, so after a few minutes she quietly left.
Then, after my first "Human Evolution" class a kid came up to me and started ranting about the Bible and warning me that I was putting my students' eternal souls in jeopardy by teaching evolution. He handed me a card from the so-called "Creation Museum" (http://creationmuseum.org/). At first I thought he was pulling my leg, but he was so persistent that I started to wonder if he was for real. He was wearing a sort of Amish looking, straight-brimmed hat, so I wasn't quite sure what to make of him. Turns out he was yanking my chain, and he razzed me for believing his malarkey, since I had just told the class I could smell bs a mile away. He might have thought that it was so ridiculous as to be hard to believe, but I've met those kinds of people several times, although, in truth, I have never had anyone seriously throw the Bible at me in my human evolution course; the name of the class pretty much alerts true believers that this might not be the course for them. Every now and again I find myself in the crosshairs in some way or another, usually in my intro class where students sign up for the course not having any clue that they will face the scientific view on the age of the earth, naturalistic interpretations of the fossil record, and the foundations of modern biology. All in all I had to wipe the egg off my face and have a laugh, but I DID remind the young weizenheimer about the commonly received understanding about the nature of "payback."
In talking about my attendance policy ad nauseum, discussing the very real possibility that students might contract influenza, I started to worry myself about getting the flu as well. So after work the family all went over to get the kids haircuts (http://tinyurl.com/a2vtynj) and I dropped them off and went to the Osco to get a flu shot. The pharmacy tech, April (one of my favorite former students) sent it through my insurance, and they covered it completely, and then I was told that I got a $25 gift card for getting a flu shot- SCORE!. So that put my mind to rest. I can feel that dead flu virus getting passed around my immune system like a bottle of Mad Dog at hobo camp, and the antibodies building, building...
I'm ready for ANYTHING this semester. Bring it!
One class actually cajoled me into giving an extemporaneous demonstration of Mongolian Throat Yodelling (usually it's Chimpanzee pant-hooting they want me to demonstrate) and that went over really big. Then I was discussing how students might think I can't tell if they are texting if they keep their hands beneath the table (I CAN, and it looks rather obscene from my perspective). I was telling a story about a kid that was texting in the front row, and how I could see the glow of his screen radiating from his crotch under the table (either a dead giveaway for texting or one of the strangest occurences of St. Elmo's fire known to science). As I got to the part where I was saying "AND I COULD SEE THIS LIGHT RADIATING FROM HIS CROTCH..." the door opened and a young woman was standing at the door with a somewhat older woman who may have been her mother. She looking mightily confused, and I explained that there was a good deal of context that she had missed, but she silinetly glided into a seat. Turns out her puzzled look stemmed mostly from the fact that she had no idea where she was supposed to be and she had wandered into the wrong room, so after a few minutes she quietly left.
Then, after my first "Human Evolution" class a kid came up to me and started ranting about the Bible and warning me that I was putting my students' eternal souls in jeopardy by teaching evolution. He handed me a card from the so-called "Creation Museum" (http://creationmuseum.org/). At first I thought he was pulling my leg, but he was so persistent that I started to wonder if he was for real. He was wearing a sort of Amish looking, straight-brimmed hat, so I wasn't quite sure what to make of him. Turns out he was yanking my chain, and he razzed me for believing his malarkey, since I had just told the class I could smell bs a mile away. He might have thought that it was so ridiculous as to be hard to believe, but I've met those kinds of people several times, although, in truth, I have never had anyone seriously throw the Bible at me in my human evolution course; the name of the class pretty much alerts true believers that this might not be the course for them. Every now and again I find myself in the crosshairs in some way or another, usually in my intro class where students sign up for the course not having any clue that they will face the scientific view on the age of the earth, naturalistic interpretations of the fossil record, and the foundations of modern biology. All in all I had to wipe the egg off my face and have a laugh, but I DID remind the young weizenheimer about the commonly received understanding about the nature of "payback."
In talking about my attendance policy ad nauseum, discussing the very real possibility that students might contract influenza, I started to worry myself about getting the flu as well. So after work the family all went over to get the kids haircuts (http://tinyurl.com/a2vtynj) and I dropped them off and went to the Osco to get a flu shot. The pharmacy tech, April (one of my favorite former students) sent it through my insurance, and they covered it completely, and then I was told that I got a $25 gift card for getting a flu shot- SCORE!. So that put my mind to rest. I can feel that dead flu virus getting passed around my immune system like a bottle of Mad Dog at hobo camp, and the antibodies building, building...
I'm ready for ANYTHING this semester. Bring it!
